Sometimes I like to go into a bathroom stall and pee under the divider into the next stall and watch the person in the stall over squirm to get away from the piss being trickled underneath their feet.
Birds got an agenda or some shit
Cavemen didn't even have car insurance, damn.
Dress me like a goth girl in the coffin, I want peopl in the afterlife to be drooling.
Gonna ask out my sleep paralysis demon, wish me luck >w<
Double deez
Listen to this song I came up with: do do do ba da bee ba packow ba ba
My kink is people treating people with dignity and respect
I'M LITERALLY GOING TO KILL A MAN IN COLD BLOOD
Why does my piss small like moams?
Do you think it would hurt if an anvil fell on you?
When I drink prime, my skin turns grey
Girls go to Jupiter becasue they're astronauts
When the subway workers aren't looking, I spit in the ingredients
What the fuck is a tree
I'm an evil person who kicks puppies because I'm evil
istg why do people get so mad when you put your arm round them at a urinal? HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE FRIENDS???
When I'm bored I dress up as a doctor and tell people that they have horrible diseases just to see them get scared
The best place to be during a volcanic eruption is in the volcano. The lava is leaving the volcano so there's none in there.
Just found out how much money the US government has. You could buy so many hellcats with that.
Hey bbg, I need a shit, can I do it on you?
Big shout out to gay people
Cosco guys aren't allowed in airports because they bring the boom
Didn't sleep for 3 days and now I see the abomidable hexagon
Fuck my erectile dysfunction life
On the train next to this loud ass baby, where's the 1000 degree knife guy when you need him?
When you were younger did you ever play the penis game with your siblings?... Yeah me neither.. haha..
Okay I would never kill anyone because that is a horrible thing to to do. BUT if I were to kill someone, I would do it in a quick way and clean up the evidence in such a way that the police would not be able to trace it back to me. In fact, I think the best way to get away with a murder is to make people think that the person went missing because then it becomes an entirely different type of mystery to both the police and the general public.
If you kill people can you stop? Pretty please... for me?
New rule: Let me help build legos if I ask
I think that parents need to keep better care of their babies. I was on the subway in a new suit when a baby next to me tried to touch me. Of course, I don’t want it to ruin my new suit so I punched it in the face. This would have been the logical move for ANYBODY in this situation. And now THEYRE trying to blame ME??? What has society come to?
Hey siri, generate a picture of my balls.And send it to my entire contact list.
I like breathing, sue me!
People who got set on fire be like: AAAAAAAHHHHH OH MY GOD HELP HE,P OH MY OGD IT EBUNS ONG HELPAAAAAAAAAAAA
People who beg for attention are actually the worst. Like, I was at the dentist just waiting there, minding my business like everyone else. And that’s when this old person decides that they want attention. So they just fall to the floor and grab their chest, as if they’re having a heart attack. And I thought we all knew they were just an attention beg but everyone else started rushing over to them and calling for a doctor. I, knowing that they’re pretending, politely informed them of this. Everyone else seemed to not realise and started calling me horrible names like “monster” and “asshole.” Everyone, please be wary of attention begs because they will do anything to try and get your attention.
I am going to kill the CEO of netflix. This is not a joke. This is a threat. I can be held liable in court for this.
Freak hour is on the horizen
I need to be punished. This isn't a kink thing, I'm just a criminal
HELP THEYRE INJECTING ME WITH THE VACCINE I THINK IM TURNING WOKE AAAAAAA hello this is woke Gmeare, I use pronouns and drink non alchaholic beverages
Whoever came up with sex is a pervert
HELP! I'm addicted to getting the fucking bag. *super epic music stats playing and I look really cool*
Hey guys look at this! CrocodileEatingChild.JPEG
The wage gap is in F-Tier
When the amber alert goes off but the beat is lowkey fire so you start freestyling
Peeling off skin and flesh is so satisfying
Stapled my foreskin shut during the entireity of June, for the gays!
McDonald's and vodka for dinner tonight. Fuck my life.
SSSniperwolf when she gets a knife pulled on her: "Oh my God, do you guys see that? He has a knife, no way!"
"My whole family died" So what? Mine didn't so I don't care.
When my wife, who is a vehicle, starts crying: "Don't worry carling."
I'm an incel and I'm proud
Whenever I see someone make a joke I go into liberal rage mode
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous and this one person was just going on and on. They were going on for like 30 minutes on about “I’m really depressed wa wa.” I decided enough was enough and took out some tomatoes from by bag and started throwing them at this person. I was saying “boooooo! Boring!” I was then kicked out? Like, we all know that they were being boring with all of that talking, I was doing us all a favour. Really, they should be thanking me.
How's this for ragebait, I'm going to fucking kill you.
The tenth circle of hell is for people who loiter